Timing in life........

When one suffers heartbreak, it takes over your whole being.  Oh sure, you try to put on a happy face and maybe most times you are successful at being “happy”.  Yet deep down inside of you, there is this dull ache that just doesn’t seem to go away.  You may even be able to forget about it for a bit then something happens that forces that ache to bubble up to the surface and take over your being again.  At one point or another we all have felt that, some more than others.  How you react to that ache when it shows its ugly head is what makes you the person that you are.  One thing that has gotten me through my latest episode of heartbreak is remembering that I cannot control what others do, only how I react to what they do.  Unfortunately, ice cream and junk food have been my “friends” during this phase so back to it and gaining control of the food that I nourish myself with – that’s a topic for another day.

I’m a true believer that timing in life…..as I have spent some time reflecting on past decisions and happenings in my life recently, now that there is some distance from those “lessons”, I have come to realize that things happened a certain way because that’s the way they needed to happen to protect me and even at times others around me, from too many dull aches bubbling up to the surface.  It truly is amazing how an email or words spoken to you can truly change your perspective, your outlook on life. 

Some say that we go through the hard times to insure or help us appreciate the good times as they come.  Maybe that is true.  I know it works for me in most cases.  When you are going through those difficult seasons of life, those life lesson seasons, it can be a struggle to remember what is good in your life.  Many people focus on the bad times and difficult people instead of what’s good and encouraging in their lives.  I’m guilty of that and maybe some of you are too.  I do believe that God gets us through hours of sorrow and hours of joy.  Those hours of joy that we experience are gifts from him and we should cherish them and hold on to them during those times that are not so joyful in our lives. 

Miracles can happen.  I know because I’m in the midst of experiencing one right now.  Miracles happen to all of us every day.  They aren’t all talking burning bushes or changing water to wine miracles.  They can be something as normal as making it to your destination in one piece (for those that drive in the Chicagoland area – that is a miracle!) or having the ability to sustain a human being long enough to reach teenager-hood (yes, I’ve done that too – that is a miracle!).  Everyday large and small miracles happen in our lives.  I’m blessed right now to be experiencing a BIG one that I hope to be able to share with the world someday.  Hold on to those miracles – reference them, ponder upon them because they are gifts to us to help us through the tough times

Thanks for stopping by and listening to me carry on.  I hope you stop by again on my front porch of the web…….  

Where to begin……

What a year right?  Isn’t that what all good year end/new year blog posts begin with?  I have been remiss on blogging for a lot longer than I thought.  New Year, new habits to form and bad habits to break.  One of my goals this year is to write more.  Writing is not something that I really ever thought I would enjoy, yet it has been on my mind a lot lately and honestly, maybe this is how I can deal with the emotions I have. 

Let’s start with the weight loss.  I came to a screeching halt in June and at least maintained until December.  December, I came to the realization that I am more of an emotional eater than I imagined.  Heartbreak set in and so did the cookies, and the junk food and the “I don’t care” attitude.  Needless to say, I have had a “come to Jesus” talk with myself and decided that one of the few things I can control in my life is what goes in my mouth.  So, January 1, along with the millions of others who decide this is a good time to get healthy again, I will be hopping back on the wagon and recommitting myself to not only shedding the pounds, but working towards being healthier physically and emotionally.  I have a “Micole of the Bride” dress to find and fit into in about 15 months so let’s get moving!

What’s next on the agenda you say?  I won’t dwell on it nor elaborate much.  This year has been quite the emotional roller coaster.  The first 11 months of the year were pretty okay with several exciting events such as my stepdaughter getting engaged!  Wedding planning is a lot of fun these days.  We have many positives to be thankful for and just like everyone else, we have had some things that were not so great and frankly heartbreaking.  Many of these things we have no control over, so I am trying my hardest to, as Queen Elsa tells us to “Let It Go”, focus on the things I can control and make a difference in, and be grateful for the blessings we do have. 

My nugget as I refer to him, one of the two teenage boys who I am fortunate to be “Mom/Micole” to, is doing well as well.  We had a rough start to the school year this year but he has worked and improved and that’s really all I can ask for is for him to try and do better than he did in the past.  The other nugget has had some changes this year that I hope turn out for the best.  Hopefully he is on the road to happiness and harmony.  

School is school and work is work.  I’m finally getting into the meat of my Social Work program and am enjoying it.  Yes, I just said to the world that I am enjoying school.  Shocker I know!  Work is fun as always and keeps me busy.  My work family is one of the blessings I do count in my life.  Working with the people I work with is a very positive influence in my life and something I am very grateful for.

Last, but certainly not least, my HoneyBunch.  This December we will have met 11 years ago.  It seems like not so long ago that dark and snowy night, him driving down to Indy and getting his car stuck at the end of my driveway……little did I know the adventure that would ensue from there.  There have been good times and bad times just like every relationship.  But I can tell you one thing, I’m grateful to have him and his kiddos in my life.  I’m also grateful for the role he fills with my nugget as well.  We may not see eye to eye but my life is richer and fuller because of him. 

Well that about wraps up my year end sentiments.  I hope to come back here often to share more of my journey and story.  What started out as a way to share my weight loss journey is I think, going to be more about sharing my whole life’s journey.  Many people have said I should write a book and who knows, maybe I will.  But until then, I’ll keep coming back and spending time with you all here on my front porch of the World Wide Web.  Thanks for stopping by and come back soon.  Happy New Year!!!

I need to control what I can control

We held a company meeting today and our CEO ended the presentation with a statement about attitude.  The statement was something to the effect of the only thing you can control 100% of is your attitude.  That hit me, hit me hard.  Not just about work life but personal life as well.

At work, I'm a firm believer that if you don't like what you're doing, do what you can or need to do to change.  Life is too short to not enjoy what you do for a living.  Yes, you have bills to pay and obligations and responsibilities.  But do what you can to be happy in what you do.  There are a lot of things you can't control in life, especially at your workplace.  Your attitude can make or break your experience as well as the experience of others around you.  Be the leader and make the others around you appreciate what they do and what they have to help all of you be a success.

So many things in my personal life, I do not control.  If you have children, you know what I'm talking about.  They need a last minute supply or project completed.  Or maybe they don't have any clean clothes for school today.  Maybe your significant other has a last minute change in their schedule which means everyone needs to change what they are doing.  Families are in constant flux and schedules change from moment to moment, most of those changes are out of your control.  Go with it!  You may not be able to change what's going on but you sure can change your reaction to the disruption.  Life is too short to stress out over things you can't control.  Just focus on what you can control, your attitude.  You and your family will be much happier for it.

I can control what goes in my mouth, food and drink wise.  I can control how many steps I get in every day.  What I cannot control is how my body reacts to these things.  Every morning, I step on my scale.  Yes, every morning.  People may disagree with that system, however, it's what works for me.  The main thing I can control is my attitude about my weight loss journey.  I get frustrated some times because I may lose from week to week, but it may not be as much as I'd like.  Well maybe I should have gotten more steps in.  Maybe I shouldn't have eaten those 1 1/2 scrumptious peanut butter cookies (yes, that happened yesterday.  And they are not bite sized cookies).  I'm ok with that.  I enjoyed it, I stopped after 1 1/2 and I made good choices with the rest of my food yesterday.  I need to stop bullying myself if I don't see the results I want to see, control my attitude and get back on track.  I have come a long way and have a ways to go.  My attitude is a large part of my success so far.   I see the results and my attitude stays in check.  Those times when I don't see the results I want to see, those are the times that I have to work harder to keep my attitude in check.

Life gets messy sometimes and sometimes, you need to find something that you can control so you feel you have power over something in your life.  When you can't find that something, look at your attitude and do all you can to control it so you have that comfort that something in your life can be controlled.

Thanks for stopping by......

Stop the bullying!

No, I'm not talking about bullying among kids, or even adults, but yourself!  I was listening to a podcast this morning and the person that was being interviewed is someone that helps people on their weight loss journeys.  She said something that stuck with me, stop bullying yourself.  We are our own worst enemies aren't we?  No matter how good things are, we still beat ourselves up and focus on our shortcomings.

I say today is the day to stop bullying yourself!  It has become normalcy to focus on our faults, even make jokes about it.  Why can't we celebrate our successes?  Why can't we toot our own horn occasionally?  I'm not suggesting you gloat and become self absorbed.  However, be proud of your accomplishments.  Be proud of how far you've come to this point.  Let me start.

I'm not one to toot my own horn very often.  However, I don't feel I have had much to toot about over the last, 2 decades.  Well that is changing.  I have decided that I want to be successful, I want to make something of myself.  My first step of transformation was returning to school.  I did that about 1 1/2 years ago.  I earned my Associates Degree and now I'm on my way to earning my Bachelors Degree.  I changed my program to the program that I was too afraid to go into when I started out.  Now I'm on track to earn my Bachelor's of Social Work in Spring, 2017.

My next step of transformation was my weight loss journey which many of you know about.  I have been losing part of a pound here, part of a pound there.  Slow and steady wins the race right? Well this past week, I tried really hard to focus on portion control and making good choices no matter if we were at home or not.  2.3 pounds gone this week!  I haven't had that much of a loss in a while. And I'm so close to losing 50 pounds!  This is shocking to me.  Less than a year ago, I did not care what went in my mouth and whether or not I got any type of physical activity.  Today I am 180 degrees the other direction.  Sure I flub from time to time, but I do NOT go without.  I find an alternative that makes me feel satisfied and proud of myself for making a good choice.  Proud of myself.......

Yes, I said it.  I AM PROUD OF MYSELF!!  Sure it helps that people are calling me "skinny" now which cracks me up.  Sure it helps that I am in a smaller size and almost able to share clothes with my "skinny" stepdaughter.  But most of all, I'm proud of myself for making positive changes in my life.  And YOU can too!

I get asked at least once a day, how are you doing this?  I love sharing my journey with anyone who will listen.  If it can help them, I am happy to share.  Even if they don't jump on the bandwagon with me, that's ok.  I didn't jump on right away either. I had to do it in my own time and I'm so glad I did.

I want to challenge each and every one of you to make a list, start with 5 but list as many as you want.  Make a list of at least 5 things that you like about yourself.  Even if the list includes things like sense of humor or the shoes you're wearing today, that's ok.  Make a list of 5 or more things you like about yourself.  Burn it, delete it, post it on Facebook, make it your phone background, whatever you need to do with that list so it makes an impact on you, DO IT!  Stop bullying yourself and focusing on the negative.  Build yourself up like you build others up.  YOU are worth it and you deserve it!  We are all special in our own way.  God doesn't make mistakes.  He made all of us in our own unique way for a reason.  Find it, celebrate it, share it and stop being a bully to the person that should be your favorite, YOU!

Thanks for stopping by.  I hope you enjoyed your stay here on my front porch.

Mom, I think I lost the peanut butter

How many times have you heard something like this at your house?  I hear something about some item being lost at my house daily, however, this one struck me as quite comical.

Over the years I have realized that I am a clutz who misplaces things.  I have accepted it and moved on.  However, of late, I thought I was getting it together.  Weekly menus were planned and grocery lists made.  Laundry was getting done on time for the most part, homework for both Nathan and I was getting completed and getting completed well.  Things seemed to be going well.  Then it happened......

I went to the grocery store on my way home from work, which happens quite often.  I will admit, I was not thoroughly prepared, nevertheless, we had to have a few things from the store.  My honey bunny had been asking for white bread and peanut butter so he could make old fashioned pb & j sandwiches for his lunch ('tis the season of Lent).  I proceeded to buy what I thought was healthy white bread and further down the aisle I grabbed a jar of peanut butter.  The pride eminated from my face and I was thrilled to be able to provide this simple pleasure for him.  He doesn't ask for much and this was one thing that was pretty easy to give to him.

When I got home, my nugget helped me put the groceries away while I got supper started.  My HB (short for Honey Bunny) arrived home and I was anxious to share with him I had his fixin's for pb&j.  It's the simple things in life sometimes......he seemed happy as well that he could chomp into a piece of heaven soon as well.  He went to get the bread out and made me aware that I had not purchased white bread, strike 1.  I convinced him to maybe use the bread I bought.  He then proceeded to get the peanut butter out of the pantry....can't find it.  I asked the nugget to look for it since he put it away, or so I thought.  After a few minutes he declared, "Mom, I think I lost the peanut butter"!  What? Are you kidding me?  You lose Lego pieces, pens and pencils, homework, even shoes from time to time.  Those are all things I expect.   But you lost the peanut butter?  How does that happen?  I got up and went to the pantry to look for myself because I just have to.  I couldn't find it either.  Our house ate a jar of peanut butter.

It dawned on me that I had left the Onion Powder I bought at the store, at the checkout as well.  My guess is the cashier put the Onion Powder and the peanut butter in the same bag that was left at the checkout.  I do not know this for sure, but I'm going with it.  After all, I'm really not losing it so badly that I think our pantry consumed a jar of peanut butter.

Life gets crazy sometimes.  There are times in your life that are quiet and peaceful and enjoyable.  There are other times when life gets hectic and feels like someone dumped a whole truckload of "stuff" on top of you.  Those are the times when you think you lost the peanut butter.  We had a good laugh and realized that together, we can do what it takes to make a good peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  It may not be the bread that we want and we may have to use different ingredients to make our sandwich.  At the end of the day, we will still eat the sandwich and enjoy the journey it took to get that sandwich made, as long as we are on the journey together.

Thanks for stopping by.  Come back and visit again soon!

Are you talking to me?

The majority of my life, I have been "fluffy".  There was a short period of time in high school that I wasn't, but for the most part, I have had a little extra to love.  Oh wait, I was less than 5 pounds but that didn't last very long.  Yesterday was my official weekly weigh-in day.  I am officially 43.8 pounds gone on this weight loss journey.  That number is just astounding to me.  Many things about this journey is shocking to me.

My clothing.....the fact that my "skinny" clothes that I bought a couple of months ago, which were snug but I was bound and determined to wear them, are loose.  The fact that I can wear a pair of leggings underneath my "skinny" pants and they be loose, well it just makes me chuckle.

People's comments make me chuckle too. Lately, I have been receiving a lot of compliments about my weight loss.  I'll be honest, they are flattering and good motivation. But every time I get a compliment from someone, I look around and think "are you talking to me"?  They couldn't be talking to me could they?  Wait, maybe I think they are.  That's pretty cool......

I say these things, not to gloat.  Although, I am proud of the fact that I have lost almost 44 pounds.  I share these thoughts for a couple of reasons  For those that think they can't do this, YOU CAN!  I really can't believe how much easier this is than I thought.  Don't tell anyone, but it's actually become kind of fun.  Shhhh, don't say a word!  :)  I also am finding that challenging myself has become something I'm enjoying as well.

I also share this because there are people who can relate to this bu may not want to say anything.  Being confident in yourself and sharing accomplishments can be difficult for those of us who have been "hiding" in the shadows of our weight and obesity.  To put ourselves out there for people to see can be intimidating and downright scary.  As we shed the extra pounds, we end up shedding alot more than just weight and bigger clothes.  We shed walls that we have built up over time that have been built up as the extra pounds that we have packed on throughout our lives.  Sometimes we realize this and sometimes it sneaks up on us with no warning whatsoever.  As those pounds or walls start to crumble, we start to see ourselves for who we are.  We even start getting ideas and inspiration to become the people that we have always wanted to be.  I earned my Associates Degree and am looking forward to hopefully soon working in a field that is closer to what I really want to be doing.  That journey started before the weight loss began, however, I am more confident with that decision then I was before.  It truly is amazing how just changing to a healthy lifestyle can really affect the rest of your life in a good way.

These days life is hectic and stressful at times.  One thing is certain, I am enjoying this "blog" thing.  Other people are reading it and enjoying it too.  As always, thanks for stopping my front porch of the worldwide web.  I hope you enjoyed this piece of my journey.  Come back again soon!

If you would have told me........

I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but I truly am shocked at myself.  If you would have told me a few months ago, that I was going to get with the program, change my ways and lose weight, I would have told you you were full of it.   Today, I'm 42.6 lbs. gone and to top it off, I won a weight loss competition I was a part of at work!  Seriously; lazy, chubby, unmotivated ME won a weight loss competition!  I don't mean I won by a hair, I won by 66% like holy cow!  To be honest, I didn't over exert myself, I just followed my WW program.  I lost 16 lbs. in 8 weeks.  That really is astonishing to me.  

What am I going to do with my "pot of gold" you ask? Many people thought I should buy new clothes.  New clothes are short lived for me now because I don't intend to stay in one size for very long.  I want something that will help me with my journey in addition to last longer than a few weeks like a new piece of clothing.  Maybe a Coach purse?  Nah, I don't need those and they won't help me on my journey.  But a new bluetooth headset will! I always am bothered by the cord of my current earbuds when I'm walking.  And last week, when I was at a sales conference, I used a treadmill in the gym at the hotel and was afraid of jerking my phone off the treadmill because the cord to my earbuds was too short.  So, now the quest begins for bluetooth earbuds.  I'm open to suggestions if you have any.  

I did not blog last week because I was busy at our annual sales conference.  Always a good time to see people I only see once a year.  This year, it was really fun because people kept asking me where the rest of me was.  I'll be honest, I loved it!  That is one of the things I am enjoying about this journey.  People are calling me skinny.....seriously?  Me?  C'mon now!  Their kind words and recognition are truly motivational to me and what helps me keep plugging away.  

When I was away last week, I was concerned about my eating.  The last weigh in for the competition was the morning I came back to the office from the meeting.  Are you kidding me?  I have an opportunity for all you can eat 3 times a day and to eat at a nice restaurant downtown, and I have to behave?  So I prepared and went in with a gameplan.

My first game plan was pack my snacks that I usually consume daily.  My first daily item was my Weight Watchers oatmeal.  Easy to travel and delicious!  I took a few apples and my handy dandy 16 slice apple slicer.  I also took a portioned out bag of Special K chips for each day and an extra one in case I got the late night munchies.  Cheerios you say? I had a bag with me at all times in case I got the munchies.  Popcorn was also my friend.  I took a few brown paper bags and a few portioned bags of popcorn kernels, hoping and praying I would have access to a mircrowave.  Along those lines, I made a new discovery (thanks to one of my colleagues who travels often) - Ziplock steamer bags.  Put a sweet potato in one of these bad boys and nuke it for 7 minutes - pure deliciousness!  So I took 3 sweet potatoes in steamer bags as well.  Special K brownies and Weight Watcher peanut butter mini bars were also part of my arsenal. I knew there was going to be dessert lurking around and wanted to be prepared as I could be.  

Coffee was another dilemma.  My current coffee regimen is fat free half n half along with sugar free coffee syrups.  Yes, I have these items at work and utilize them at least once a day if not more often.  At home too!  I couldn't take those things with me easily so I took it up on the advice of a WW leader I spoke with to use the Weight Watchers smoothie mixes as Coffee Creamer.  I should have tried that before I actually wanted to do it.  Not so much for me however, I only put half of one in a cup of coffee and well, it wasn't tasty enough for me.  So coffee was consumed with skim milk and lots of Splenda.

For breakfast and lunch, I mostly ate my own food because there wasn't much I could have that was served.  I made the best choices I could combined with the food arsenal I took with me and it ended up being a successful week.  I should have drank more water last week for sure.  But my steps were out of this world!  One day I had over 22,000!  For a gal that has a goal of 10,000/day that hasn't been achieving that goal lately, That was awesome!  I'm very proud of how I handled the food last week.  In the past, it would have been a free for all and I would have gorged myself.  Instead, I prepared, planned and was a success.  That doesn't happen often in my life and I'm so grateful it did last week.

Those of you stopping by for the first time, thank you so much for doing so.  Those of you that are coming for a visit again, I'm so glad you stopped by.  I am going to work hard at trying to post more about my daily routine with Weight Watchers as well as my journey of school, momhood and just life in general.  I hope what I write inspires someone.  If that's you, fantastic.  If not, that's ok too.  Keep stopping by, you never know what will be the next topic on my front porch.